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Elyse Fitzpatrick

No Fluff, No Bricks, Just Good News

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elyse

That Was Then…

My Migration Away from Grace Community Church and The Master’s College

Quick History: I was saved in 1971. Then, in 1986 I became acquainted with biblical counseling and started taking classes at The Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation in San Diego. I completed my training under Dr. George Scipione and I received a Certificate in Biblical Counseling in 1990. At that time, I joined the National Association of Nouthetic Counselors (now referred to as the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors, ACBC). I then proceeded to get a MA in Biblical Counseling from Trinity Theological Seminary in Newburgh, Indiana in 1997. During this time, I was also associated with the Master’s College (now University) and Grace Community Church. I taught a course or two at Master’s and was a speaker at a number of conferences sponsored by both the church and the university.

But in 2008 I was turning a corner away from the way of thinking promoted by TMC, GCC, and ACBC, and published Because He Loves Me: How Christ Transforms Our Daily Life, a book that demonstrated the centrality of the gospel. In it, I was particularly responding to their overemphasis on the imperatives and quantifying most every problem of living in terms of sin. Then in 2011, I published Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus, a book that applied the gospel to parenting, and that was when Grace Community Church decided to blacklist me. I did try on a few occasions to explain my perspective and not burn the bridge with them as I was continuing to hope that I would be able to influence them toward a fuller understanding of the grace I found in the gospel. It was to no avail and my relationship with them ended.

This is now: On and off throughout the years since then, I’ve had one or two interactions with the people at TMC and GCC, and every interaction made me realize how far away from their perspectives I have journeyed. I admit that during the first 10-15 years of knowing them I was unable to see the problems that were endemic to that wing of the biblical counseling movement, and I now regret any association I may have had with them then. There is nothing more that I can do about mistakes of the past but to ask for understanding and forgiveness.

Some of you may be wondering why I’m writing this now—if I’m just trying to protect myself in light of the recent revelations about trouble at GCC and in the biblical counseling department at TMU. My answer to that is this: Of course, I don’t want to be associated with the despicable teaching/pastoring that has recently come to light. But this isn’t a new turn for me. I turned away from it more than a decade ago. In the past, I have been accused by leaders in the biblical counseling department at TMU of having a “decline in sound theology” and of being on a “slippery slope toward apostasy.” But those slanderous accusations were made some time ago and I have no association with the leaders there now. I count that as a good thing.

In the years since I became more convinced of the centrality of the gospel, I’ve changed my message. Most recently, I’ve looked at the way that the Lord honored and celebrated the value of women in Worthy: Celebrating the Value of Women (2020) and in my recent release Jesus and Gender: Living as Sisters and Brothers in Christ. Both of these gospel-centered books were co-authored with Pastor Eric Schumacher. In them, we push hard against any misogynistic or patriarchal teaching that devalues the image of God in women and discounts women’s pleas for help in abusive marriages.

I hope that in this very brief history you’ve heard my heart. Like you, I hope to continue to grow in grace and in the knowledge of God. And like you, I look back at the things I believed 30 years ago and aside from bedrock creedal truths, I can see how I’ve changed and hopefully grown. I hope you can see this as well.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Please pray with me for the welfare and repentance of these individuals and institutions. I am,

Under the Mercy with You,
Elyse Fitzpatrick
April 8, 2022

Happy Daughter’s Day

Well . . . here it comes again: Mother’s Day—or, as I like to call it, the Great Day of Guilt and Discontent. Ugh.
Men don’t know what to do with it. It terrifies them.

They hope that the gifts they’ve chosen will please their wives and mothers. They don’t want to be known as an ungrateful person who failed to properly honor the woman who gave him life or birthed his children.

Women don’t know what to do with it either.

Mother’s Day angst sounds like this: I wish I were a mother. I wish I were a better mother. I wish I loved my mother. I wish my mother loved me. I wish my mom were still alive. I wish I hadn’t aborted that child. I wish I could have children. I wish I knew who my mother was. I wish I hadn’t given my baby away. I wish I would have had a chance to be a mom. I wish my children loved me. I wish they would write. I wish they were still alive.

Mother’s Day is the Law—it breeds discontent and guilt.

We live in a sin-cursed world and no matter how much we try to honor someone we love, it always seems to come out wrong. We can give the sweetest presents with the best intentions but still . . . it just never turns out like we hoped it would.

Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not the sort of woman who would seek to ban a day when I have the power to make my husband and sons cook for me. (I’m not that stupid!) But I would like to bring some gospel-sanity into it.

SELF-DISSATISFACTION

Here’s what’s wrong with Mother’s Day (and every other celebration of our own goodness): Any time you seek satisfaction, honor, and glory in yourself you’re going to be dissatisfied—that applies to both women and men. Any time you look for someone to give you something that will make you feel like you’ve done a good job, or are finally a person of worth, you’re going to be disappointed. Men will be disappointed because their wives or moms don’t appreciate how much they tried to appreciate them. Women will be disappointed because no matter how hard our husband and children seek to lavish us with praise, flowers, and gifts, there is always someone you know who was given much more than you.

Paltry baubles can’t compare to his precious blood.

We’re living under the law of Mother’s Day: If you’re good, you’ll get goodies. In the words of my daughter, “It’s the one day when I’m forced to look at either my own shortcomings (resulting in guilt) or the shortcomings of others who fail to appreciate me (resulting in discontent).” It’s the one day we’re told over and over that our identity as women is not rooted in the life, death, resurrection, and ascension of Jesus Christ, but in our own ability to be the source of life and goodness for all, when we judge whether we’re finally OK based on the response of others rather than by the gospel of grace. Mother’s Day is the Law and that’s why it breeds such discontent and guilt.

NO HALLMARK CARDS FOR THE CRUCIFIXION

The source of true happiness is not found in being praised or anything we have ever done. True happiness is found in dying to ourselves and celebrating what Christ has already done for us.

True happiness is here: It is found in Jesus’ work. The best gift any woman (or man) has ever received was given on another Mother’s Day: this one was 2,000 years ago in a borrowed feeding trough when God was born and nursed at a young mother’s breast. It continued to be given some 30 years later when that perfect Son of Man was nailed to a tree and his Father turned away from him while his mother wept. No Hallmark cards or saccharine sentimentality for Jesus. Nothing. Just blood and despair and an anguished “It is finished” for us.

A BELOVED DAUGHTER, ABOVE ALL

Whatever happens this Sunday remember this: You are loved. You are forgiven. You are righteous. Not because of anything you can do, but only because of what Jesus has already done.

Go ahead and receive praise and gifts with a smile, but remember these paltry baubles aren’t anything in comparison to one drop of that precious blood. His work has made you his, and he has given you an eternal identity. You are his beloved daughter in whom he is well pleased.

Happy Daughter’s Day.

Looking for the Right Word

Feelings hang from the rafters of thoughts.
No surprise they are too rowdy to chill
and submit to inventory.
Wearing my resolute game face,
I leap into the maze of distressed neuropathways
that are wild, writhing and fed up with triteness.
I shudder at the chaos of figurative meanings
that keep forgetting their point.
Skirting the hubbub, I duck down an alley
so forlorn and forbidding that
I’m frightened of the verbiage ahead.
Unnerved and undone I am unaccountably lost.
Outside of my area of expertise like a tourist
like a tourist who has bumbled into a sketchy neighborhood.
And it’s there in my vertigo of doubt,
perched on the edge of “What if I suck”?
That’s when it comes,
The tiny ding in my soul,
shuttling up to my brain,
And leaking from my pen
Onto the profusely thanking God page.
Like a shooting star, it tends to come after midnight,
A radiant something from nowhere,
Written on the blue-black sky.
Marte Riley

PeaceWorks Live Conference 2025

This year’s conference is intended to serve both professional and lay helpers who are engaged in gospel-centered domestic abuse intervention ministry. Past attendees have included licensed and lay biblical counselors, social workers, pastors, elders, small group leaders, advocates, survivors, and family members of those experiencing or perpetrating abuse. Whether you are a veteran domestic abuse interventionist or you are in the beginning stages understanding this topic, we hope you will join us.

PeaceWorks Live is more than a training event. It’s a gathering for people helpers who are committed to responding to domestic abuse with confidence in the sufficiency of Scripture, humble dependence on the Holy Spirit, safety and support for victims, and accountability and repentance opportunities for perpetrators. This is a time for these helpers to reflect on what it means to faithfully respond to these cases with Christ-exalting, gospel-centered solutions and to be reminded that they are not alone in this difficult work.

A Word to Perpetrators of Domestic Abuse: If you are a perpetrator of domestic abuse in need of resources to aid in your repentance process, please understand PeaceWorks Live is not intended to serve you in this way. Instead, we ask that you please visit www.menofpeace.org to view the resources PeaceWorks has designed specifically for abusive men desiring change.

A Word to Victims of Domestic Abuse: If you are currently living under the weight of abuse and in need of support as you pursue safety and sanity, please visit www.menofpeace.org/for-spouses to view a list of recommended victim care resources. If you are a survivor of domestic abuse desiring to engage in domestic abuse intervention ministry yourself, we recommend that, if possible, you not attend PeaceWorks Live alone but that you bring with you a trusted friend who can provide you with support throughout the event as the conference content may be triggering for survivors.

You Are Welcome Here

Of all the women of faith who might have been honored as part of the genealogy of Jesus, those the Spirit mentions through Matthew are Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, and, “the wife of Uriah”:  A woman who played prostitute, a real prostitute, a Gentile widow, and a woman who was the object of sexual abuse. No matter who you are or what your background is, you’re welcome in his family. Come to him in faith–you’ll not be shut out.

Tamar was a twice-widowed woman with no children. After being sinned against by both of her husbands, she was sinned against by her father-in-law, who was supposed to provide for her. So, she responded and sinfully took matters into her own hands. She pretended to be a prostitute so that she could be a mother, a woman who had value and security.

Rahab was a Gentile prostitute who hid the Israeli spies who would conquer her country. In essence, she was a lying traitor to her nation. But Hebrews commends her and says, rather ironically, “By faith Rahab the prostitute did not perish with those who were disobedient (her countrymen), because she had given friendly welcome to the spies” (Heb 11:31). BTW, she also became the mother of Boaz (see below).

Ruth was a Gentile, idol-worshipping widow. She was destitute and chose to emigrate from Moab to Bethlehem with Naomi, her bitter mother-in-law, whom she loved. She didn’t have any clue how the Lord would use her,  but walked on in faith. She probably thought she and Naomi would live lives of deep poverty, in isolation and shame. Instead, she ultimately married Boaz (Rahab’s son), and became the mother of Obed,  the grandfather of King David.

Bathsheba, “…the wife of Uriah,” was the victim of sexual exploitation by the king. She was widowed through murder and the baby she had conceived by David’s abuse died. She was broken, abused, bereft. And yet, she’s honored as being in the family line of Jesus. She became the mother of Solomon.

What do we learn from the Spirit’s choice of these four women? We learn that Jesus loves to honor those whom the world (and church?) might claim are disqualified.

You are not disqualified by what you’ve done. You are not disqualified by what someone else has done to you. Your sin and the sin of others against you is not the most important thing about you.

You are welcomed into his family. He’s not ashamed of you. He doesn’t wish you were prettier or cleaner or had a better resume.

He’s proud to claim you as His bride. He’s made you beautiful and clean and given you the record of his perfect obedience.

All women are welcome. Including you.

So, come to him in faith and know that he loves, welcomes, and values you. And one day, you’ll be clothed in the white linen shared by all the saints. 

 

 

[Photos: Unsplash.com, Tiko Giorgadze and Soroush Karimi]

 

Things Like That Just Shouldn’t Happen

If you’re anything like me, you groan when you read the headlines on your news feed every morning. Or maybe the bad news is closer to home, like when you hear your children screaming at each other again…or recognize yet again the unbelief and selfishness in your own heart. Even at its best, this world is rife with terrible, heartbreaking, evil wickedness, and it doesn’t seem to be getting better.

You don’t need to be a great theologian to know that this place we’re living in is broken. By God’s common grace we don’t usually see how terrible it is…until someone decides to fire a machine gun into a crowd or mows down families celebrating a holiday.  This shouldn’t happen.

This place we’re living in is broken.

It’s not like it should be.

            As Christians, do we have an answer to all this brokenness? Sure, we should do everything we can to help the hurting, pass just laws, bring peace and reconciliation here. But no matter what we do, we’re not going to change this place into the place we’re longing for: A place where peace and righteousness dwells.

In our desperation and hopelessness, the only hope we have is that a day is coming when everything will finally be made right. When we step off into heaven and to live eternally on a New Earth—our Home to come–everything will be as it should be. We won’t worry about terror or crying or death or pain there. Every tear will be wiped away by His nail-scarred hand.

We need the hope of heaven right now.

I need the hope of heaven right now.

Don’t you?

 

If you think it might be helpful, you can access my teaching about our heavenly Home to come here.

 

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About Elyse

Elyse holds a certificate in biblical counseling from CCEF (San Diego) and an M.A. in Biblical Counseling from Trinity Theological Seminary. She has authored 23 books on daily living and the Christian life.

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